I need to pray....

I need to pray, I need to pray, I need to pray, I NEED TO PRAY, I need to get on my knees and pray.

I need to pray.

I need to trust in the Lord.

I don't know what it is but I feel like I always freak out about my future. How faithless. Guilt likes to creep up on my like that, guilt that I lack the faith to be still and know that God is God.

Here is the situation. I have been accepted to the World Race. I felt bad when they called me this morning, I'm sure I didn't sound as excited as maybe they had hoped. I still can't decide if that was because I was sick (I have the flu) or because their acceptance is making it harder to discern where God is leading me.

Some background: Since high school I have wanted only to become a missionary. I tried to persuade my parents into allowing me to do a mission trip for a year before college. They said I had to graduate college before I could make decisions like that. I can't imagine myself doing anything else. However, how I would go about that missionary life has been educated and bent into different aspirations and ideas.

Anyways, I feel as though I have no direction. I am struggling with the temptation of impatience. I know God will answer the call and make my path's straight... in His own timing. But I don't want to wait! AHH! I'm so prideful to even think that I could be impatient with God. I find myself riddled with frustration.

I need to pray, I need to pray...

I need to be still.

I must say I praise God in other things. Like this morning when I was talking to my mom she said that both her and my dad know that I have a passion for missions in Africa and that they 100% support me. They've talked a lot about it and have come to terms, that although they believe it unsafe and scary, they support me. One piece to the puzzle. To this I truly say Hallelujah!

I want to go to Africa, I want to work with people, build relationships, lead unreached people groups to Christ, I want to work along side fellow believers like yourselves, I know I need a strong community. If any of you are feeling called to Africa missions, please tell me.

If you could pray for me. Pray that I might find stillness. I want to hear God's word. I need to hear God's word.

Amen.

Psalm 46:10

(Sister Leslie)