heart reaction

This is delayed, but reading Monique’s post motivated me to share where my heart is at this very moment...

I’m trying this fasting business. I’ve had amazing experiences with it in the past, yet I’m really stuggling with it this time. I feel like I don’t have time for this. Simply cutting coffee out of my life for just a few days, and I feel like I can’t function. Is it forcing me to rely on Him…or am I just adapting my schedule to make sure I can survive. Why am I doing this again?? I want to know you!! But I don’t want it to cost me anything. Lame! Is my heart really benefitting from this? I feel like if I were more awake I would be able to soak in my time with Him in the morning, and take in the info from class and really engage in the lives of my classmates. That’s the reality of it. Am I just a wuss? Should I be experiencing His supernatural energy?? Is it wrong to be reliant on caffeine? I just want to hear from Him. I don’t feel like I function as a sheep that hears His voice. I’ve experienced that life, able to hear His sweet whispers. I miss it. I feel like I’m getting sucked up in the mess of life.

Knowing I'm still in His arms,
Brittany